Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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