Umm I'm too high to move.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
