my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
