my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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