Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize