I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
