She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
