My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
