The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
