drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
