He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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