well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
