This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
