my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
