dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
