rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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