if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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