I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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