Don't EVER smell your tampon
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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