Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
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you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
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You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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