is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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