I cockslap morals
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
