This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
