explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
