On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
