just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
