I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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