I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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