the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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