For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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