im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
