five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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