At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
