HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
