Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How's work?
Spinning.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
