I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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