I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she pinky promised me she was 18
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
