I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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