You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Less talking, more tequila
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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