Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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