I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
