the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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