i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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