I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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