he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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