You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
