if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
