He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
