you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
