can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
