she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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