so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
