No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
