He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
