my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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