Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
