i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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