If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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