My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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