so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
