How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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