You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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