I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Be still, my beating vagina.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
