Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
