My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
