You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
