a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize