Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
