dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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