Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
