every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He? As in you personified your dick?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
