How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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