first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
