I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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