After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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