Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
