Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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