How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
