Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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