dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
honey bunches of taint.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
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I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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