you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
