How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
