You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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