did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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