I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Small penises have feelings too.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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