does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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